By Whitney Arbaugh

I used to consider myself an optimistic yet realist type of person. Glass is half full kind/there’s always room for more mind set. But to be honest, 2026 did not start off kindly towards me. I shifted into pessimistic, self-preservation mode real quick. 

In January I hit a massive milestone in life by turning 40. For the first time, a birthday felt different. Maybe it was the sudden snow day we experienced, the frigid temperatures, or the leaking pipes at work that popped up in the days post-turning 40 that set the mood for the year. 

For four months, life was stuck in high gear. My own institution and department is working through several shifts in the ever-changing landscape of higher education, my two children (15 and 11) have activity schedules that kept me on my toes, my husband picked up a second job, and family health concerns consumed by free time physically and mentally. 

In April, for the first time in recent memory, I failed to meet an important deadline. I also forgot about a personal appointment and was charged a fee. It was at that moment I rallied me, myself and I for a big conversation about how I was not managing. I scheduled a day off, I did not tell a soul in my household, and I spent a few hours at a local coffee bar just writing. The final product: a set of strategies to help settle my struggles and work on thriving in this new chapter of life. The last two months have had some outstanding results in two areas. 

Setting New Boundaries: This comes in two parts. Learning to say no and overcoming guilt. We teach our students “No” is a complete sentence but I did not walk the talk. My time and energy are high-value assets. No means no and if I do not elicit a hell yes from myself or family, then it's not a priority. When I am able, I’ve learned to “outsource” my guilt. I love grocery pick up now. I ask my husband for help more than ever. I share responsibilities around our house with all members of the household. If the dog could sweep, I’d let him. But on the other hand, if we miss something, we miss something. If the house is lived in, that’s great. That load of laundry will always be there. That dirty dish in the sink can wait. 

Career Realignment: I’ll say it out loud. “I am not an entry level employee. I am a well seasoned, experienced professional.” I am also the first daughter, the oldest sibling, over motivated at times, and hard headed. But in the last two months, I’ve shifted my focus away from having to prove myself or my worth to focusing energy on tasks that bring the highest value. I cultivate relationships based on substance instead of performance. I value flexibility for myself and my team when it comes to deadlines, tasks, and needs during work hours.  

For mid June through mid August, I am adding some strategies around finding new hobbies or revisiting old ones as well as finding the little joys at work again. There are aspects to those entry level residence life jobs that get lost as you move up in title and responsibility. I aim to find those joys for myself and incorporate them into my work life once again. 

Whitney Arbaugh
Director of Housing & Residence Life at Northeastern State University - Tahlequah, OK